


Cheating

by Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw



Series: February Ficlet Challenge 2020 [11]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Humor, Miscommunication, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:07:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22675336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw/pseuds/Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw
Summary: EDI thinks she knows what Joker is up to; turns out she's come to the opposite of the truth.Pairing: EDI/Joker MoreauPrompt: Puzzles OR Hogwarts AUBeta: imaginary_golux
Relationships: EDI/Jeff "Joker" Moreau
Series: February Ficlet Challenge 2020 [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1620205
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17
Collections: February Ficlet Challenge 2020





	Cheating

EDI knew Jeff’s morning routine (98.3% likelihood) better than Jeff did. First he dragged himself out of his bunk (between 81 and 104 seconds after his alarm signaled). Then he showered and shaved (approximately 5.8 minutes). Next, he obtained a mug of coffee (Alliance standard issue, three sugars, no milk, 56 degrees centigrade). And finally, he would retreat into Dr. T’Soni’s quarters aboard the ship, which, due to Shepard’s orders, she refrained from observing remotely unless by request or in case of emergency. 

She could only speculate as to his actions within this small zone of privacy, where he would remain for about .74 hours, until he would leave and thank Dr. T’Soni for her assistance. However, she knew that neither Commander Shepard nor Dr. T’Soni had engaged Jeff on a private mission for either the Alliance, the Spectres, or the Shadow Broker. Therefore, she could only surmise that the use of time was personal. She was certainly aware that Jeff and Dr. T’Soni shared a long-time acquaintance. She was also aware that asari tended to be more accepting of casual sexual or romantic liaisons than other races. She was _painfully_ aware that her relationship with Jeff lacked a certain physical dimension. 

Accordingly, she determined the necessity of a frank discussion among all parties. 

With a wave of her hand, Dr. T’Soni’s door opened. EDI stepped forward, eyes closed to allow for privacy. “Jeff, if you are engaging in intercourse with Dr. T’Soni [spluttering noises], I want you to know that I am not angry at you. Indeed, objectively speaking, Dr. T’Soni is--what was the phrase you used?--out of your league [a swallowed gulp of laughter]. I wish only to make sure that all of our emotional states are considered, should you elect to go forward. I am opening my eyes now; I suggest you cover yourself as necessary.” Visual input resumed to Dr. T’Soni, complexion purple and mouth gaping, and Jeff, gobsmacked and trying not to laugh. EDI cocked her head to one side. “This is...unexpected. If nothing else, Jeff, I know you do not dress that quickly.”

With that, Liara stood. “And now I need to leave the room. EDI, I am not--” She pressed a hand to her temple. “Goddess, forgive me. I am not ‘engaging in intercourse’ with Joker.” 

Hearing the phrase repeated seemed to trigger speech in Jeff once again. “Wait, do you think I’m cheating on you with Liara?” EDI nodded. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold your horses.” He passed the datapad and stylus he had been holding over to her. 

“18-Across, simple greeting?” she read. “Five letters, third letter L? Almost certainly hello.” She handed the materials back. “I don’t understand why you would not seek my help for such trivial difficulties.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of the whole point.” Jeff tossed both onto the table and rubbed the back of his neck. “I like to be able to do them myself. Without having a quantum supercomputer connected to the extranet do it for me.” 

“Ah.” She considered her options in light of new information. “Human insistence on self-reliance is an admirable trait, if occasionally frustrating. No matter: it will be bred out once your kind is enslaved.”

“Har. Har.” He made a disgusted noise, but they shared a tiny smile. 

“I just wish you had told me sooner,” she remarked. “After all, we have wasted valuable time that could have been used to seduce Dr. T’Soni.”

“Har. Har,” he repeated as she turned to walk out. “Wait, you were kidding, right? EDI?” The door opened automatically for her. “EDI?” he repeated as the door closed and a smile crossed her lips.


End file.
